Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
