she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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