I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
