I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
