I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
