after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to make out with him forever
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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