it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
