If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
BRING THE BAGELS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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