Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
