I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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