My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
