I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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