I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
