Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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