My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
