i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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