1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
