I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
