So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
being pregnant is like rehab
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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