I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
