Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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