well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
