There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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