one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
