Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
