Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
