I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
