Please, let me fuck your mom
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was CRYING into my vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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