I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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