And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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