A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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