well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
