Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
