My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
