i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
