I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
