Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
