he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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