Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
