I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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