Don't you send me to vm
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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