dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last time i carry you out of a forest
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize