you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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