i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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