I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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