Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize