Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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