I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
