Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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