this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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