I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
