Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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