I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
