Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
