I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
