ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
