He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
