I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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