so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
