Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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