Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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