Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
