im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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