i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
