Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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