one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
