i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
