shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
