I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize