Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize