im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
