non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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