im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
