"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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