He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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