Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
